Bye-bye love, hello lonliness

Well, I must start out by apologizing that I have not posted the very wonderful news that I just have weirdo blood -- no crazy medical issues here:) When I arrived at John Hopkins the following day, they retested my blood with more tests - which was NOT just a little amount but instead 15 vials! The more in-depth tests revealed that I did not, in fact, have cancer myself. So - that was very releaving as you can imagine. About the time I found out the results of the tests, the nurse then gave me the exciting news that I WAS going to give the unit of blood. As you can imagine - I was overjoyed - yeah right:( I was happy though that the tests were back on and the transplant was still on the horizon. So - I gave blood with very little drama. I was not able to give a whole unit, but only a half unit until my little veins gave out. I have to say though that I was very proud of my veins for all the blood that they gave that day (good blood despite the fact that it may not be bold).

Now, onto the current news. My love has officially left for boot camp:( We traveled to Columbia, SC Sunday night, two dogs in tow, and got a hotel room. Had a very tired, but special dinner, and returned to the hotel for a couple of hours of restless sleep. After only 4 and 1/2 hours of tossing and turning, we got back up and I dropped him off at Ft. Jackson at 5 am then turned around and headed back to Granite Falls for work. Suprisingly the day went really good - but returning home was a very different story. It was like I just kept expecting him to walk in the door from work. It does not help me out that there are papers laying all over the house with his writing on them and a laundry basket of his clothing needs to be washed a put away. So - at least for right now, I will leave the papers where they are and the dirty clothing in the basket.

I am still trying to decide if it is better for me to be upset and cry for a while or to lie to myself that John will be home any minute -- I think I have chosen lying to myself - maybe not the smartest way to go, but it is what it is - right? The end of April is a long way away.

I just sometimes really question if I am strong enough to do all of this. Well, I KNOW that I am not strong enough, but God is. And I know that He is with me every step of the way. My mom is such a strong person - I have never met anyone as strong as her. And the good news is that my DNA is pretty close to hers - right? So, I just hope that her strength is in the portion of the DNA that I do have. I pray that God gives me a small portion of the strength that He has given my mom - because today was really hard and it needs to go up from here.