Heading out of the valley.

Well, I finally feel as if I am walking out the other side of the valley. God has shown me His faithfulness, His strength and His power and truth during these trials that I have faced over the past few months. I am honestly and changed person becase of what God has led me through and although it has hurt to very much - I made it with Him by my side.

My miscarriage: I learned that I CAN place all of my hope in God. I CAN trust Him for a miracle and I will not be crushed even if that miracles does not come to pass. I can believe that He will grant me a miracle, and if he doesn't, I know that He will hold my hand until I come to the other side.

John's absence: I learned that God is the only one that I can lean on. John was such a huge support to me in all ways - and although he is meant to be my earthly support, God is the only one that can carry me through my trials. I have grown to love and cherish my alone time with God - which I have to say often competed with my alone time with John in the past and I know that this time must continue even when John returns. It is necessary to have time with my Daddy.

Healing and death: I learned that God can provide for ALL! He is the all-sufficient. At the beginning of my mom's trial, I would try to bargain for her life. I constantly asked God what he wanted from me in order for her to be saved. Then, I remember at one point in her battle thinking that her life would be taken in replacement of another. I felt like maybe I should be willing to give up a miracle for my mom in the hopes that my sister-in-law could have the miracle. I remember thinking that my mom's miracle should go to her instead. I felt like if she could have that miracle then it would be okay for my mom not to have it. I would bargain the same way for a 25 year old man that I never knew - the husband of an old high school friend. His life was just beginning when he died from cancer. As he was battling during the last months of his life, I remember thinking - God - take my mom's miracle and give it to him. So - finally God said to me - "I can give all three a miracle if I want to! I don't have a limit on the miracles that I can provide. If I don't give a miracle, it is because I chose not to - not because one person had to sacrifice for the sake of another."

The journey: So much more happened on my journey in the valley and so many more lessons were learned. I feel as if I have been tested - but I learned these lessons despite the pain and despite the trial. I learned that God's way is best no matter what I understand. I still don't understand why He gives and takes - but I know that He stays with me no matter what happens.

I can feel myself climbing the last few steps out of my valley. God is still with me - but He is walking next to me now and no longer carrying me. I am stronger - I trust Him more - and I am MORE faithful. And although I am not completely out of that valley yet - God has taught me to be joyful in the valley. To place my joy in Him - and not where I am in the world.

And now my heart and I are sweetly singing-

Singing without the sound of tuneful strings;

Drinking abundanct waters in the desert;

Crushed, and yet soaring as on eagle's wings.

S. P. W.