Heading out of the valley.

Well, I finally feel as if I am walking out the other side of the valley. God has shown me His faithfulness, His strength and His power and truth during these trials that I have faced over the past few months. I am honestly and changed person becase of what God has led me through and although it has hurt to very much - I made it with Him by my side.

My miscarriage: I learned that I CAN place all of my hope in God. I CAN trust Him for a miracle and I will not be crushed even if that miracles does not come to pass. I can believe that He will grant me a miracle, and if he doesn't, I know that He will hold my hand until I come to the other side.

John's absence: I learned that God is the only one that I can lean on. John was such a huge support to me in all ways - and although he is meant to be my earthly support, God is the only one that can carry me through my trials. I have grown to love and cherish my alone time with God - which I have to say often competed with my alone time with John in the past and I know that this time must continue even when John returns. It is necessary to have time with my Daddy.

Healing and death: I learned that God can provide for ALL! He is the all-sufficient. At the beginning of my mom's trial, I would try to bargain for her life. I constantly asked God what he wanted from me in order for her to be saved. Then, I remember at one point in her battle thinking that her life would be taken in replacement of another. I felt like maybe I should be willing to give up a miracle for my mom in the hopes that my sister-in-law could have the miracle. I remember thinking that my mom's miracle should go to her instead. I felt like if she could have that miracle then it would be okay for my mom not to have it. I would bargain the same way for a 25 year old man that I never knew - the husband of an old high school friend. His life was just beginning when he died from cancer. As he was battling during the last months of his life, I remember thinking - God - take my mom's miracle and give it to him. So - finally God said to me - "I can give all three a miracle if I want to! I don't have a limit on the miracles that I can provide. If I don't give a miracle, it is because I chose not to - not because one person had to sacrifice for the sake of another."

The journey: So much more happened on my journey in the valley and so many more lessons were learned. I feel as if I have been tested - but I learned these lessons despite the pain and despite the trial. I learned that God's way is best no matter what I understand. I still don't understand why He gives and takes - but I know that He stays with me no matter what happens.

I can feel myself climbing the last few steps out of my valley. God is still with me - but He is walking next to me now and no longer carrying me. I am stronger - I trust Him more - and I am MORE faithful. And although I am not completely out of that valley yet - God has taught me to be joyful in the valley. To place my joy in Him - and not where I am in the world.

And now my heart and I are sweetly singing-

Singing without the sound of tuneful strings;

Drinking abundanct waters in the desert;

Crushed, and yet soaring as on eagle's wings.

S. P. W.

THE RESULTS ARE IN!!!!

I first have to apologize to all of you for not updating my blog in forever! I have returned back to NC and spend the last two weeks teeting on the edge of a complete nervous breakdown. Why??? I really don't know. I guess everything that has happened over the past two months has finally begun to sink in. Before, the hustle and bustle kept my mind off of everything - but it had to be dealt with sooner or later I guess. So between the grad school, teaching, training for the 1/2 marathon, coaching track, and attempting to get my jewelry business started again - the miscarriage, transplant, and John's absence has finally hit home (and watching The Time Traveler's Wife did NOT help!! - I am seriously traumatized by that movie.)

Ugh - I could cry just looking at that picture. So - my blog has taken a back seat to real life - which gets better every day. I have found my new solice in the actual physical act of teaching my students in school. When I am working with my kids, nothing else matters. I feel like the only thing that is important is their happiness, their learning, and just THEM! They become my everything and the stress of life drifts away in their smiles and laughs. I LOVE making them laugh and enjoy life. Their hugs and silly comments are medicine to my soul. I wish that I could post pictures of their beautiful faces - but we all know this would be COMPLETELY against privacy rights. And so, all I can do is apologize to you all that you do not get to experience what I do each day in my classroom because it is WONDERFUL!!!! (Well - Monte, Sylvia, and Becky get to experience it - they are lucky too:)

Now - on to the best news of all. As I was sitting under the dryer at the hairdresser today (hehe - I finally got my hair cut!!!! and I love it short), I get a call from my sister. When I answer the phone she says, " I have two words for you . . . 100% donor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Well - I guess that is more like three words - but I just realized that. My mom's DNA results came back and ALL of her DNA is MINE!!!!! I don't really know if you even know about the test - but to make a long story short - the doctors did a DNA test to determine if my stem cells were actually grafting and working. Her counts were going up - but we did not know whose cells were causing this rise -- and YEAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! - it is me:) So - although I am still trying to wrap my head around the idea that my mom and I have the exact same DNA (because that is a little weird - don't you think?) I am sooooooooooooooo SUPER excited because it worked. It really worked!!!

So - my mom has been released to start shopping, eating out, getting massages, and living life again! And she even gets to go back to work in May! I just can't even believe it and I am still just basking in the miracle that I was able to witness. God is so amazing and I am forever humbled by what he gives to his children.

PS - my haircut looks super cute - well, at least I think so - but I am a bit partial I guess!